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Bloody Bookaholic's Commandment:

Thou Shall Read Till Thy Eyes Bleed

"I will be with her again, or I will die.
There aren't any other options."
-Ash, The Iron Knight

"If I let myself love you I won't throw myself in front of her.
I'll throw myself in front of you."
-Dimitri Belikov, Vampire Academy

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Teaser Tuesday

Oooh this is a good one.

I went to Target the other day and as I was just looking around the book section, you know, minding my own business, I find this book.


Now this one is for both Twilight lovers and haters. Sure, you gotta have a great sense of humor to stand the heat, but after you get over that trust me you are gonna fall down laughing, much like our heroine Belle Goose falls down every single second she can.

Summary:

About three things I was absolutely certain.

First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.

Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead.

And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.

Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

This book basically takes everything that is wrong, or potentially wrong, with Twilight and completely and utterly enhances it! Like for example you know how Bella leaves her sunny town for the other gloomy town so that her mother can be happy? And her mother just lets her be miserable even though she is suppose to know that would make her miserable? Well look at this quote:

Belle states "It's no big deal. I want to go. I want to leave all of my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town. Making you happy makes me happy."

Again, if you are a lover, please have a little sense of humor and do not take offense.

Here are some of my favorite passages:

"Belle," my mom pouted in the terminal. I felt a pang of guilt, leaving her to fend for herself in this huge, friendless airport. But, as the pediatrician said, I couldn't let her separation anxiety prevent me from getting out of the house for eight or so years.

I got down on my knees and held her hands. "Belle is only going to be gone for the rest of high school, okay? You're going to have a lot of fun with Bill, right Bill?

Bill nodded. He was my new stepdad and the only other person available to take care of her while I was gone. I can't say I trusted him, but he was cheaper than a sitter."

Another one...

"Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny name. Much funnier than Edward."

The last one...

"Okay," he said, letting me put my weight on him. "I'm Adam, by the way. I think I saw you in my English class. That'll be great! As long as one of us takes notes, the other one-me-doesn't have to go to class." He was getting kind of out of breath as he dragged me along. Being close to me makes some guys nervous.

"Did you notice anything funny about Edwart in class? I think I love him," I said nonchalantly.

"Well, he did look kind of angry when you fell and disconnected his computer charger."

So it wasn't all in my mind; others had noticed Edwart's awareness of me. There was something about me that evoked very strong feelings in Edwart."

Sure, I think anger is one of those feelings. Lol

Guys it's so funny. I can picture this book in a kind of 'Scary Movie' or 'Not Another Teen Movie fashion'. If you have watched those movies you know what I'm talking about ;)

Oh and I also love the design of the cover. Very good cover indeed.

15 comments:

Kathy Martin said...

Great teaser! This book is already on my TBR pile but I haven't gotten to it yet. It does sound funny.

Ceri said...

I had this for Christmas off my brother and read it in a day. It starts off pretty silly but once you get into it, it's hilarious. I especially loved it because I read the Twilight books, didn't really like them, but managed to get all the little jokes in this.

Another Daydreamer said...

LOL I've hard of this book, but never seen in stores to pick up and peruse. Hilarious!! Thanks for sharing.

Here's my teaser, but it's not nearly as good as yours.

Iffath♥Ahmed said...

Lol, I love Twilight, but I have read some parts from this book, and omg it is hilarious! I have to read all of it!! ;)

Adriana said...

Haha! This sounds like such a fun book to read.

Lawral the Librarian said...

We just got this in at the (college) library where I work. I'm pretty sure it was a mistake order, but I processed it and put it out on the bestseller rack with all of the Twilight books anyway. It looks HILARIOUS and I cannot wait to read it, but I want to give some of the Twilight lovers/haters in the student population a chance to find it first. :)

Cate said...

hehehe I really want to read this one ;D

blueicegal said...

Omg i remember reading this and as soon as i read the word edwart i nearly fell of my chair, its hilarious and the fact that its taking the micky out of twilight even though i love it makes it more hilarious, one thing i might have to say is after you get over the whole edwart and belle thing it gets kinda old but just becuase of its pure awesomeness its all worth it, good choice of quotes btw pick it up people!! :D

Sarah said...

I have been waiting for this book to come in from the library. I am on the waiting list. It looks really hilarious.

Sarah said...

Great teasers - I thought about picking this up but wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. I'm a Twilight fan but I have enough of a sense of humor to think I'll enjoy this :o)

Mine is here:
http://bookreviewsbysarah.blogspot.com/2010/02/teaser-tuesdays-sex-and-single-vampire.html

Morgan said...

Haha this is like the funniest book ever-so great. I laughed so hard while reading it. And u picked great passages for your post- my favorite part of the book is when she looks up vampires on the Internet-so hilarious!

Victoria said...

I HAVE GOT to read this! *goes to Target* Thanks for sharing! :) Sounds hilarious!

Rheanna said...

I have got to go to Target on my weekend now! I am a huge lover of twilight but I can't help to think some of the novels were a bit on the velveeta cheesy side. This sounds like a great, funny poke at a series that has gotten soooo big. And I can totally see it being a spoof movie. Thx for the great tip!

Ladybug said...

Great teaser! I enjoyed reading Twilight but it was just things like in your quotes that irrritated me a bit in the original. I'm sure this book will make me laugh =D

Cleverly Inked said...

LMAO FABULOUS

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